


Memories

by Wavesofwoodenlegs



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, M/M, Poor Brendon, Ryan is discussed but he's not in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 02:02:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5146169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wavesofwoodenlegs/pseuds/Wavesofwoodenlegs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dallon," he repeated. "Have I ever told you about Ryan?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This was just something I started in the middle of the night a couple days ago, I don't think it's great but whatever.

Brendon pulled his jacket off, droplets of rain splattering. He dropped it inside the booth and sat down next to it. Dallon took the seat across from him and could tell by the look on his friend's face that something was bothering him, and it wasn't the weather that attacked them from the short sprint from the car to the inside of the restaurant. 

They were in a small 24 hour diner for shelter and a bite to eat. It was sometime around 11 pm and after hanging out and scoping at Brendon's house for a while, they decided to go back to the studio and get some recording done for the new album before their sudden burst of inspiration faded. It was only on their way there that they realized they were hungry. They only had about $20 on them so this was as good a place as any for a cheap meal at almost midnight. 

Brendon took a deep breath and slouched in his seat. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. Dallon guessed what was causing his mood was whatever had been on his phone earlier. He was frowning at it during the car ride there. The lights flickered and Dallon noticed how that and the lack of customers (save for a couple giggling over cups of coffee in the corner) gave the place a slightly eerie feel. 

"Dallon."

Dallon brought his attention back to the troubled friend across from him who had just said his name.

"Dallon," he repeated. "Have I ever told you about Ryan?"

This simple question caught Dallon off guard. It was a fairly well-known fact Brendon didn't talk about Ryan. He just didn't. If asked, he would say they were friends and nothing more and then shrug it off. But other than that it was "Brendon doesn't talk about Ryan, so don't mention Ryan." And that was that. So Dallon shook his head.

Brendon laughed a bit bitterly. "Well, all I can really tell you about how he's doing right now is that he's been real active on Instagram. But I feel like I'm done avoiding the subject, y'know? I...I.." Brendon's voice cracked and Dallon's eyes widened. What was going on? 

A middle aged waitress butted in and took their orders quickly. Dallon glared at her for interrupting, though he knew she was just doing her job.

Once she was gone, Brendon looked down at the table. "I'm done running from it. The subject of Ryan. I need to talk. Can you listen to me rant for just a bit?"

Dallon nodded again. "Of course Bren." He said softly. He had never seen his friend like this before, and wasn't sure what to do, but he'd be damned if he was just going to let him suffer alone. 

"So, back to Ryan." His voice was still wavering but the look on his face had changed. It was replaced with a look of nostalgia, with a sad smile on it. "When we first met, we were kids. Dumb kids. I was supposed to be a guitarist, and when they heard me sing they thought I should lead, and so it was. You know the story. Eventually, Pete signed us and we were on top of the world." Brendon was now grinning from the memory of how he felt. "I knew, right from when I first met him, Ryan was a special guy. I knew he'd take us far. So, we grew really close. He was my best friend, and I would've done anything for him. And...fuck, Dallon I loved him so much."  
Dallon stared uneasily at Brendon. Did he mean...?  
"And yeah, stupid rumors and all that, but I could just laugh them off. 'Ryden' right? But it was hard sometimes. I didn't want anyone to know the truth, which was I did love him. And there was 'stage gay' and jokes and all that until one day I just told him. That I loved him. And he said he loved me too." At this point Brendon's eyes were watering and Dallon felt useless sitting there.  
Brendon sighed and Dallon knew he was determined to get this out. He then began talking again.  
"For a while, everything was amazing. We were together. We never really told the other guys but I think they just knew and they accepted it. We would go on secret little dates, walks on the beach. At one point we fantasized about getting married. It was stupid. Everything was going okay until it wasn't. I'm sure you've heard this part too. Things started falling apart, and we never agreed on anything. You know we didn't agree on the music, that's why he and Jon started The Young Veins, but that wasn't really why we split. Maybe, maybe if that was all then we would've made it. But it wasn't all and it was bad." Dallon was still listening intently when tears started rolling down Brendon's cheeks.

The waitress stopped by their table again and swiftly placed their food down. She could see Brendon was getting emotional and didn't know what was going on, but didn't want to be part of it. 

She walked off again and Brendon continued. "The worst was when we'd argue and I never really knew why. It was stupid stuff we never used to fight about, but it all had a deeper meaning I didn't know. We'd shout until it was dark out and our voices grew hoarse. We were growing apart, until eventually he was gone. Him and Jon. It hurt. Fuck, man sometimes it still does. You know I love Sarah. I love her with all my heart. But never in the way I loved Ryan Ross, he broke my heart. He was the love of my life." Brendon sniffed and smiled a bit again. "He was a stubborn little shit sometimes, but I liked that. I guess the moral of the story is don't take you loved ones for granted, or something like that." Brendon finished. 

Dallon was speechless. Never had he ever seen his friend like that, even when he was performing. When he was performing he poured his heart out, but somehow this was more. This was real emotion. True love. And Dallon definitely started to understand why they don't talk about Ryan.  
"I'm sorry you lost him. I had no idea."

Brendon bit his lip and nodded. Then, without warning, and sob escaped his lips and he buried his face in his hands. 

Dallon didn't know if it would seem weird, but didn't care. He slid out of his booth and into Brendon's, where he wrapped his arms around him. The coffee couple gave them a weird look. Two grown men holding each other, one sobbing, in the middle of a diner at 12 am probably was a strange sight but Dallon paid them no mind.  
He'll always wonder why Brendon chose that day to confess, an otherwise average day in an average diner with rain pouring outside.  
Maybe it had just been building up for too long. Maybe there was a certain thing he saw on that damn phone that set it off. Whatever reason, he just knew that it had brought them closer. He learned something he had never known about Brendon. He also learned about memories, and how much they could hurt.


End file.
